Flame Game: Metropolis Sucks

I had rented Metropolis on DVD back when I lived in London, and despite the hype it left me rather cold.

Recently, I saw it again (but without audio - too long to explain) and reached the conclusion that it kinda sucks.

What irritates me the most is character design: it does not fit at all with the environment. Backgrounds and other objects are top-notch computer graphics, while the human and humanoid characters are animated well, sure, but designed and drawn pretty much like they did in 80's anime. Rock wears boots of improbable dimensions, and the investigator's moustache is ludicrous. But the bottom is reached with Duke Red and his burgeois mates: their design is a caricature inspired by the worst communist propaganda, for god's sake!

There is another scene that made me roll my eyes the first time, where very cartoonish fire brigade robots arrive and join together while a very irritating music plays. No, yoko Kanno definitely was not involved.

A partly redeeming aspect is, if I remember well, at least some of the characters have interesting personalities.

Another Anime: Oban Star Racers

This monring, I was browsing TV channels when I found an anime among the morning cartoons (which are generally child-oriented politically correct crap: Kim Possible is the most enjoyable of the lot...).

However, this anime looked good and recent - it blends 3D graphics and 2D drawings and animation is great. I avidly watched the whole episode - the first in the series, luckily - and was left with a urge to know more about the series.

Some Internet investigation yelded the needed results: the series is Oban Star-Racers, a fresh (2006) franco-japanese production which has gained many positive reviews.

A striking feature of this series is character design: noses in anime are notoriously small and flat, but Oban (I know it is also a whisky, and a fine one at that) just dispenses of noses entirely. The characters are not drawn very realistically, but their behaviour is definitely human.

There are elements of this anime that remind me of some other show (or shows) that I saw as a child, but none I can pin down. Eva, the main character, has something in common with Nausicaa - but she's not a ripoff.

Eva, her estranged father, a champion of aircraft races and a couple of mechanics are called to compete in a pan-galactic race against teams from the whole galaxy, and the first episode ends with them being carried away in the mysterious Avatar's spaceship.

And I can't wait for the next episodes: a good reason to get up early.

Update: Second espisode, and I'm hooked. I go through the empty day and night only to watch another episode of Oban Star-Racers. Well, not quite but I'm almost there...

Abbondanza Orientale

In una storia reminescente di uno dei peggiori momenti itaglioti - il famigerato Merolone - apprendiamo che la modella giapponese Serena Kozakura è stata assolta dall'accusa di danneggiamento di proprietà privata dopo che il suo avvocato ha dimostrato che la fanciulla non poteva comprimere il suo seno da 110 cm di circonferenza nel pertugio dal quale il vandalo (o la vandala) si è introdotto.

Questa è anche la vendetta degli autori di manga ed anime con ragazze dalle improbabili tette sterminate, ed il trionfo dei feticisti giapponesi: nella sua galleria fotografica, Serena appare vestita di completo da ginnastica; costume da cameriera; vestita d'acqua mentre fa il bagno; costume da gattina e qualche tipo di corsetto nero. Ci manca solo la divisa da scolaretta...

The Ultimate Fantasy Battle

Steven reminded me of some other time wasted reading 100% geek stuff on the Internet. Fights between fictional characters, in this case.

Lara Croft vs. Duke Nukem was ma favourite - of course the Duke would win, why you even ask? The curious thing is that I know a guy who not only looks like Duke Nukem, but pretty much thinks like him too. And this chap is a real person, go figure.

Anyway, what would be the ultimate fantasy fight? Choose anyone you like on your side, but on mine there will be Lobo. He's pure unadulterated testosterone-overdriven brutality and bad manners. The caveman at the bottom of our being, drawn on paper.

Lobo technically can be killed, but here's the kicker: after he thrashed both heaven and hell, he's not allowed there anymore. So he can only be sent back among the living.

And he will frag any sonuva snake stupid enough to challenge him.
Gogeta? BITCHINBIGBLASTO and it's over.

Good and Bad Anime

I've finished watching Blood+ and it's been quite a delusion. After a promising start, it loses its way and gets bogged down in a preposterously big number of episodes and uncontrolled proliferation of subplots. Finally it emerges drunk with cheap anti-americanism and various and sundry conspiracies, towards a finale where deus ex machina abound. The series is not worthless, but the good is mostly in combat scenes and in the first 15 episodes (one thing the series handles rather well is firearms...).

Then I moved onto Vandread, and up to Ep 8 it lives up to expectations. My complaint is that sometimes space combat scenes can become confusing, but that's a minor one. It has interesting carachters and an original plot (especially later, they say) and features great animation. This is going to be a good show, I really think.

Archeo Tech

Maybe someone has already coined a term for it, but this one sounds cool to me.

Archeo Tech is a common situation in anime, where a given community owns some artifacts much more advanced than its average technological level. I'm sure there are many cases, but the most notable offenders I have in mind are Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind and Vision of Escaflowne.

In both we find communities with an average technological level not much above steel swords and chain mail, but Nausicaa uses an individual flying wing to travel around, and the Fanelians own self-powered bipedal combat exoskeletons (mechas).

As far as I recall, Nausicaa gives no explanation for the mismatched technologies, while I've watched only a small part of Escaflowne; from what I gather, tho, the Escaflowne - a most powerful combat suit powered by crystals extracted from dragons - was built by an ancient race.

Another curiosity is that, with rare exceptions (Mononoke Hime) in these alternate universes and timelines nobody has ever developed firearms. But this seems to be a common shortcoming in of the whole fantasy genre.

Archeo Tech isn't really bad in itself, but if not handled well can spoil a show for those with engineer's disease: in our neverending quest to discover how things work we need at least plausible explanations for why the princess of a city-state of medieval farmers can zoom around on a jet-powered flying machine (and where does she get the fuel? Who does the maintenance? You get the idea...). To give you an idea of the level of mismatch, it's like the Taliban owning and employing perfectly efficient B-2 Spirit bombers.

Of course, the story in Nausicaa has a very different focus, so a small incongruence in machinery is no big deal. But in Escaflowne the mechas are a main plot element and therefore contain a much higher screwup potential; I hope their story is developed properly. Because the other elements of that anime haven't really impressed me so far.

There is another egregious case of Archeo Tech - or better, of reverse archeo tech - in The Matrix Revolutions. The human rebels of Zion live in a place which looks a lot like a early-1900 factory stripped of its machinery, while they have very powerful computers and ships with a futuristic (and unexplained) propulsion system. But most notably, their main defensive gear is composed of more self-powered combat exoskeletons which have a distinct vintage look. No, they don't look old and worn, an neither rough for being built in haste with improper tooling. They look like they're made of state-of-the-art Victorian steel beams. But they don't have armor for the pilot. Seriously guys: you went through the pain of manufacturing the whole thing in the first place, fitting a couple of machineguns onto it... and you forgot or couldn't be bothered to add some armor (and communication and targeting systems, but let's not be picky here) for the pilot of a machine designed for fighting?? This is just too silly; inexcusable, even.

Unusual Character Development

Steven cites Ubu Roi (a blogger I never read before today, but heard about lots of times) in a post where the former praises his last acquisition, Shingu: Secret of the Stellar Wars.

I haven't watched that even if it sounds interesting; hell, of the series that Steven would suggest I only own Excel Saga (and I'm glad I do) and I am in an agreement with someone to get me Vandread.

Anyway, both Ubu and Steven like series with character development and where the main characters learn something. I confess I'm not so strict: for me, egaging characters do not really have to change. But there is a case of character development that I find extremely interesting and egaging: the evolution of Tachikoma in Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex (Be warned that spoilers are likely).

The main characters in that series do not change a great deal throughout the series (but we learn more about them ), but the Tachikoma end up being radically different.

These beings begin their existence as small, four-legged sentient battle tanks intended to provide Section 9 with support fire, rapid personnell transport and some other capabilities. At the beginning, their personality is a curious mix of chattiness, childish cheerfulness and curiosity, fearlessness and obedience, and pretty well developed intellect. Their memories are periodically synchronized so that all of them will share the same experiences.

Batou is the member of Section 9 most affectionate to the Tachikoma, and one in particular, while the others regard them as just machines - the Major's opinion remains mysterious until late. Soon, Batou's favourite tank begins to show signs of unusual behaviour. The incident is thought to be caused by Batou giving the Tachikoma natural oil as a gift instead of the prescribed lubricant; the Major thus bans the practice.


But it's not enough: (Jeez, I messed up the chronology) One particular Tachikoma, Batou's favorite, continues developing indipendent spirit, quick-wit and something resembling emotions, which show particularly during his escape and errands around the city. The incident is thought to be caused by Batou giving the Tachikoma natural oil as a gift instead of the prescribed lubricant; the Major thus bans the practice. Later, during an intense firefight the Tachikoma develops a case of battle ecstasy (and greatly enjoys his nose-mounted Gatling gun).

Soon thereafter, the evolution of Tachikomas into individual, self-conscious beings is nearly complete: they develop indipendent personalities (the leader, the one reading paper books and more), the ability to trick and deceive (or at least they try; Kusanagi is no fool) in order to reach goals which have nothing to do with their programming and orders. They discuss the differences between humans and machines - and how extensive cybernetics is blurring the line - and in a statement that leaves Batou speechless, even metaphysics, comparing the concept of god to the concept of zero.


And the Tachikomas also ponder the differences between analog (organic) and digital life, and what it actually means to have a"ghost" - read, soul. And individual vs. collective memories, in a further exploration of what was the main them of the first Ghost In The Shell Movie.

The Major does not like it: she is afraid that the Tachikomas may develop a self-preservation instinct and become exceedingly insubordinate - traits not compatible with their combat roles. So she sends them away to be examined and overhauled.

But the story is not over. When Section 9, and especially Batou, are facing a most dangerous enemy, the remaining Tachikomas heed the call and gather again. Two of them had been turned into laborers while one was still being examined in the lab.


They all head out to where Batou is desperately figting enemies equipped with powerful combat suits, and when the fight turns for the worst, the Tachikomas demonstrate a capability no one could guess: self-sacrifice; deliberately chosing death to save their loved Batou. And that makes them complete individuals, though in a different kind of body.

Anti-trope Stories, Part 1

I can be a bit of contrarian - maybe you've noticed already. One of the things that uncover the contrarian in me are many of the TV (or anime, whatever) tropes. So, for my own - and hopefully also your - pleasure, I'll write some purely anti-trope very short stories.

That Satellite is Still Mine
The intercom buzzed in the middle of the night:
"Sir, we have one serious situation"
"What is that, Lieutenant?"
"A terrorist groups claims they have taken control of the Space Hornet satellite!"
"Prepare to switch to manual control. I'm coming down"
The General strode into the Mission Control room and stared hard at the Lieutenant.
"Sir, we are ready to switch controls"
"Good"
He then sat at his commander console, and as soon as he saw the men in Arab robes showing off AKs and laptop computers on the screen, he gave the order:
"Give me manual control. Now!"
In a few seconds, when the status lights began turning from red to green, one of the jihadi techies began looking more and more uncomfortable - while the leader just went on rambling and shrieking about Great Satan, rivers of blood and all the usual stuff.
All the status light turned green, and the General finally opened the microphone:
"You pathetic dumbfucks. My backup manual control works. Thanks for giving us your exact location, and Allah Snackbar".
The General gave the fire sequence order, and five seconds later the panicked faces of the jihadis disappeared into a snowy screen. And for the first time in months the General conceded himself a wholehearted smile.

Da Bomb
"Right mate, they said there's a bomb on this level of the building. So keep your eyes open for it"
"I'm gonna find that bloody thing"
Time passes and the two intrepid rescuers get separated. Then, David calls James on his walkie-talkie:
"I saw no bomb, mate. Just a funny black box with a couple of lights on it. Some little chav pulled a prank on us"
"Yeah, the scums... How's this black box like, tho?"
"It's all black, the size of a shoebox. It's got one red light with POWER beside it and a red one labelled ARMED. Does it look like a bomb to you?"
"Not that much, mate. Shall we go to the local for a pint?"
"..."
BOOOOOM
"Bollocks!"

Get Rid of Him Fast
The got him at last. He expended all the ammo of his MP5, all the magazines of his Glock .40, his survival knife broke and he kicked and punched until he fell exhausted. He left a trail of dead goons in his steps, but in the end the minions of His Excellence in their ash-grey uniforms reminding of Wehermacht soldiers were simply too many. And now, tied and beaten but unbroken, Tony was being taken to His Excellence himself, in his inner sanctum. And that was going to be his last chance; he already managed to slip half of his right hand off the cuff, and mentally rehearsed how to elbow one guard and grab the Uzi from the hands of the other. He only needed a bit more time.
His Excellence strode forward from his lavish throne, his harem of Japanese concubines in skimpy kimonos watching coriously. His Excellence was tall, lean and mean. Obsessed with 80's glam rock, he wore Converse shoes, purple spandex pants, an ammo belt and a black mesh T-shirt. And big platinum blonde curly hair. But he was no joke, and the last man to ridicule his look ended up as the eunuch sex slave of his second concubine. His Excellence held a pump shotgun in hand, almost casually.
One of the guards kicked Tony behind his knees making him fall kneeling in front of His Excellence, who then pointed the shotgun at Tony's face. But his hand was almost free now.
"Tony, I admire you. You've made it so far, you're a worthy enemy. But not good enough."
"Sam, tell me, why all this? Why you want your band to be the only one listened to on the whole Earth? It's insane".
"You know Tony, it's because..."
But at that point His Excellence pulled the trigger, and most of Tony's brain splattered behind him on the mirror-polished floor of Italian tiles. For good measure, His Excellence pumped another round in the chamber and shot Tony again in the back.
"Do you think I'm so stupid to fall for your plan? I have watched enough B-movies".
Then he gestured his chief lieutenant, and his song "I Rule The World" began playing at ludicrous volume sending His Excellence in a paroxysm of air guitar.

Well, with this last story my warped fantasy was taking over. Stay tuned for more - if you've got that special masochistic vein and canes and stilettos simply have gotten old and overused. You know what I mean, no?

Excel Saga Redux

The level of insanity of that anime has been ramped up (yes, it's possible) from Episode 7, and of course a work that is set to desecrate all cliches must not skip the dreaded lolicon.

It must have been a bargain sale, because the little Ropponmatsu is catgirl, android and lolicon all rolled in one (while her bigger "sister" Ropponmatsu is just an office worker - uniformed, anyway). But one thing is the drawn version; this is taking things way too seriously. Yes, it's safe for work as long as no-one notices what it actually is...

This is an action figure I'd buy instead, if I were in the mood to waste some money. But now that I did a bit of Internet search, I realize how naive I was. For the drooling otakus out there, who can be the favorite character? Excel or Hyatt? No, not weird & creepy enough. The loli-Ropponmatsu had to be...

Me, I'll have another vodka & orange juice, and onwards with the show!

Update 00:59: I gave up after Episode 18 for tonight. Besides, spending a friday night watching anime all alone is a not-too-light case of otaku syndrome...

Crane Vs. Crane

It's amazing what one can see just looking out of the window, some days...





They used this big self-propelled crane to dismantle the construction crane - and the most amazing thing is that the operation was done with conmplete disregard of elementary safety rules! Workers climbed up and down the crane wearing neither safety belts nor hard hats; another guy stoo directly underneath the suspended strut (third picture from the top) to guide it while being lowered... it's almost a miracle that no-one got hurt.

<--->

These days, I'm, watching the anime Excel Saga. Saying that it's insane is a bit of an understatement; it's insane and on speed at the very least. And sprinkled with naughty double-entendres. And topped with armies of cute invaders luring unaware foks with their cuteness. And served with a generous side of meta-jokes about author, director and dubbers. Excel Saga is just a wild, fun ride that leaves no anime cliché and genre inviolated; if there's an overall plot is very tenuous. But it's what I need these days: my brain is already nearly overheated - I cannot be bothered with too seriosu stuff.

A Volte Ritornano

Ho ricevuto un commento critico per un post che ho scritto il 25 Gennaio 2006 sul vecchio blog. Che dite, dovrei impegnarmi a rispondere?

Weirdos

Notice- This is not a serious post. Actually, is a bit unhinged...

I've realized long ago that Internet is the place for weirdos. Think of any weird, perverted, stupid, irrelevant thing and you'll be able to find more than you can handle about it with a few second on Google.

So I should not be surprised that people make strange homemade music videos, but some things are just too strange. They mixed Rammstein's song Engel with images from Neon Genesis Evangelion, but I guess that's right, because both song and anime deal with angels. And both NGE's cast and the band are a bunch of psychos. And the video looks cool in the end.

Anime strike again, in a video of Michael Jackson's (you don't need a link here, do you?) Smooth Criminal played on scenes from both Cowboy Bebop and Trigun. But hereby I confess I always had a liking for Smooth Criminal. And altogether ask for pardon.

Then I found a video of Manowar's song Carry On... made with images from the videogame Final Fantasy IX.* Manowar live in a fantasy world, so what's wrong with adding a fantsy videogame to the mix? The wrong is that FF9 is a kind of "soft", cutesy fantasy world. While Manowar's world is... well, like an everlasting Battle of Pelennor Fields, where the Rohirrim ride Harleys rather than horses. And probably wear cowskin briefs too.

Manowar provided the music - Master of the Wind - for another weird video. Which features a naked, smoking-hot swarthy lady in the middle of a desert plain. I knew that Manowar don't exactly dislike feminine beauty, but that looked suspect. No leather, no swords, no bikes? And in fact I noticed the bunny logo in the bottom right corner...yes, they used footage from Playboy TV.** Now, the information you all were waiting for: the girl is credited as Neferteri Shepherd - Miss July 2000.

From wierd to weirder, it's another Rammstein's song, Moskau (which has a rather curious story by itself, because a collaboration with the fake-lesbo-lolicon TATU was rumored long ago; probably the female voices in here are not TATU's, but the label "Rammstein and TATU" stuck). Anyway, the video is made combining the music with images from a videogame, called Hellgate, in which - surprise! - two fighters in futuristic-retro armor shoot, slash and stab at scores of demons, zombies and other hellish creatures. And, even more surprisingly, the female monster slayer has DD boobs and wears a curve-enhancing armor! To complete the works - or to utterly mess up the whole thing - the images at the beginning of the video suggest an analogy between heroic images of communist propaganda and the two fighters of the game. Yes, my brain went in a powerslide.

And like it weren't enough, someone also combined Moskau with stock footage of North Korea. Well, the other videos are weird but fun; this one is genuinely creepy instead.

* Warning, annoying Flash intro and music.
** Do I really need to tell you that it is NSFW?